Mama Finds Truth

I was walking into the thrift store with all 3 kids. I told them we were looking for books and maybe some other things BUT if they wanted a toy they would have to listen. They knew what this meant. It was our mantra in the car before entering the store. “Yes, mom. No running away. No whining if you say no. And if we don’t listen we go back to the car and we don’t get a toy” Jack would say. And this seemed to work…most of the time.

As we looked at books and moved on in the store towards the coveted TOY SECTION. I have a love and hate relationship with this section. But there we were. After a total of 30 minutes we slowly left and the boys each chose their one toy. They knew the rules. This toy is earned. They needed to listen in the store and obey mom. Now that they were occupied with the new shiny toy that honestly half worked…I got to look at clothes. I noticed Jack my oldest constantly asking his younger brother to have his toy and trade. Ezra replied “NO! I don’t want to.” about 20 times. I mentioned to him that he needed to accept that he was not trading or getting Ezra’s new toy. This was a growing problem and I could see it building and building. Jack just couldn’t accept the answer that it was a big fat NO.

I looked away for 2 seconds and turned back to Jack ripping the toy from Ezra’s hands. Now causing Ezra to be very upset. A boundary was crossed. I looked at Jack, said nothing (yet) and immediately he looks at me and says “I don’t want to leave the store, can I still keep my toy!?”. Kids are amazingly smart! I didn’t even have to say it. HE KNEW. I immediately turn and tell him to make it right. As he is giving back the toy he is asking and asking me if he can keep his toy. I knew already I needed to keep my boundary. I started for the cashier. As we were walking to the cashier Jack kept asking and asking. “Can I keep my toy??”. When we got there I told him the most devastating news he could ever hear, he was not allowed to keep the toy.

I have never seen my 5 year old tantrum this big. He immediately started crying. Not like whimpering but loudly wailing. Jumping around. Stomping his feet. I was frozen inside. Looking back at the growing line-up behind me with almost ten people. I put him beside the cart and told him to stay right there as I needed to complete the purchase. All while I am trying to listen to the cashier through the loud screams. There was no stopping it. I had a boundary and I needed to follow through.

I was almost done when I hear him scream at the top of his lungs “I DON’T LIKE YOU!! YOU ARE SUCH A MEANIE MOM. YOU ARE A MEANIE!! I DON’T GET THAT TOY!!” I couldn’t believe my ears. I had never experienced this from him ever. I packed up my stuff as fast and calmly as I could. Not showing any effect on my face from what was going on. I can’t believe he just said that, my mind was scrambling. WHAT DO I DO! Meanwhile he is still screaming and crying as we are going out. I needed to get everyone’s layers on. It was -20 celsius. So cold! Our car was not even 10 meters away from the door thankfully. I placed him beside the store exit door still screaming. I said “Stay here until I’m done putting the kids in the car”. Closed his jacket and told him to put his hands in his pocket and to wait there (In my mind to cool him off) in the weather until I was done putting the other two kids into the car. I had clear sight to him from the car.

Now, this time gave me a chance to pray. “God, what do I do?? How can we come back from this? How can I lead my son right now??” I thank the lord for this answer, and my first thought was to ask him to help with the cart. As a girl I tend to want to have conversations about what happens but I needed to think in the perspective of a boys brain. I finish up with the kids in the car. Walk to him standing there still crying and all I say is “Please bring the cart back” Surprised, he stopped crying, looked at me and walked with the cart to the right spot. I said nothing. He said nothing. We walked to the car, still silent. Got in and started to drive. I still had no idea what to say. Then out of the silence he calmly says…

“Mom, I am sorry I called you a meanie. That was not nice.” Looking in the review mirror I said “I forgive you.” I believe that was Gods work in him, not me. I did nothing. Said nothing. I didn’t even have to show him where he went wrong. And have a huge conversation about it. His little heart was actually so much bigger than I thought. The things our kids say don’t always have anything to do with us but with what is going on inside of them. We just get to lead them. Don’t take it personal, TAKE IT TO GOD.